3 July 2025
After almost one year of missing website data and technical issues, now the website is back online.
during this one year, I have been working somewhere else in another company for a similar job. this time, the company has no problem for a regular life as an employee and the job were safe. there was quiet some problems like: the job was too far from my home, and I could not pay for another home in Tehran. yet I was living in one of cheapest neighborhood in Tehran, I was 30-min Motorcycle ride over everyplace valuable for me. my ride to work was 30-min and riding back was 45-min because of heavy traffic in city. I was obligated to be at work for 8.5hr/day that was more like 9hr/day + 1.5hr/day transport. every day (5.5days/week) I was engaged like 11hr engaged for a job with low payment. what the hell. but still livable for some time. Also, after one year of full-time work, I was not able to do anything because the lack of money. I had nothing and could do nothing. My energy was drained too much, and my mind seems ill. I was not happy with that.
It’s like my brain’s wiring keep poking me with the fear of missing out. FOMO of living my dreams while I had no specific dream for this life. AI is developing fast, I’m studying MBA now and money is a big issue. all these paradoxes and discomfort with my own thoughts, led me to resign and make my life chaotic again. the chaos I am looking for, comes from somewhere inside my mind that I do not know why, but my intuition tells me: “this is the right thing to do for now”.
So, I talked to my therapist and resigned. heading to an unknown future. just during last days of my job, literally a war started over my country. It was awful. people died over a meaningless war. although, that was ended in 12 days and my country lost a lot, leaving me with an inevitable anxiety of this weird start.
now it’s like two weeks after the war and being unemployed. I’m working on my past and life timeline. the album of my memories is being analyzed. some regular routines are being set, and I suppose I am going to be ready to start something at next week or two. the big anxiety that is eating me alive is “What you gonna do with your life?” and there is no answer to it yet.
17 July 2025
The temperature of my residence city is 40 degrees of Celsius. as always, utility is cut off. every day for some hours, we don’t have either electricity or water. the temperature inside my home is 32 degrees and I can’t take it anymore. this is hell.