13 Nov 2022
Today I had a very hard day at work. my boss’s absence is a relief totally. this job inserts a huge amount of Stress and mental load on me and drains my cognitive resources like a vampire drawing out blood from its bate.
Today started with being late for an hour and nobody was there to punish me. that was good. then while I had promised myself to not be compassionate about this company like not paying myself for workflow or not staying after work-hour, again made the same periodical mistake and paid for a delivery by myself to put workflow on a conveyor belt. when I looked at the SMS from the bank, I realized I have just 3$ in my account, and it was not even enough for one day. what made me angry? I have an 85$ creditor in the company and they don’t want to pay it back. They don’t give a shit and I know it. That’s why I don’t want to pay. What a fool to make the same mistake over and over again.
I controlled myself a lot and didn’t make a big mistake, just got my jacket and hit it to the wall (to show everybody that I’m angry) and stormed out. I was wondering 1.5hr in Foodcourt Smoking and thinking. it was a bit helpful.